Another Post about Another Defective Animal

Ladies and Gentlemen: Meet “No, No, Bad Dog.” I know, she’s cute, right? My friend M just got this dog a few weeks ago. I had a day off today, so I’ve been watching this little darling. Now, I’ve never had a dog of my own to housebreak before, so I had no idea that this could actually be quite challenging. You see, we take the nice doggy out because she is sniffing around in a dire sort of way, and then the nice doggy gets distracted outside and can’t go. Consequently, after forty-five minutes of watching the little furball alternate between sniffing and chasing gnats, we go in. The first thing that happens when we come back in is that the nice doggy obliges us by going to the bathroom on the carpet. It’s this whole cycle thing. Just fabulous.

Today has been no different. The best way to do it is to grab a beer before you go outside, so that you have something to do while you natter, "Go potty," at, well, yourself.

I count today as my greatest victory so far. She was sniffing and sniffing, so I took her out. This trip out was going just as the others had. I sat. She sniffed. I drank. She played. Then, the biggest distraction of all came by: a person. Having just one person come by usually destroys the whole trip. M and I typically go in directly afterward. This nice lady was the UPS lady. She patted the nice doggy on the head, and the little dear relieved herself copiously on UPS lady's shoes in her excitement. We both praised the dog, and I thanked the lady for her assistance.

Hey, I'll take what I can get.