Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Are You Freakin' Kidding Me?

This is an ad for a cartoon. A cartoon I rather happen to love. Apparently, the good people of Boston thought that it was a BOMB of some kind. Nice.

Here's the article. Read it and check back in with me.

Ok. I want all the idots who thought this was a bomb to sit down and listen closely. Are you ready? Ok.


If that had been me, I would not have been admitting that I seriously thought this was a bomb. Seriously. I'm flustered. This is so ridiculous that this is rEdiculous. That's how stupid.

Here are some gems from the governmental types in Boston who had so little shame that they admitted to this:

  • "It had a very sinister appearance," Coakley told reporters. "It had a battery behind it, and wires."
  • "I just think this is outrageous, what they've done ... It's all about corporate greed."
(Um, of course it is. It's an AD CAMPAIGN.)
  • Boston Police Commissioner Edward Davis called it "unconscionable" that the marketing campaign was executed in a post 9/11 era. "It's a foolish prank on the part of Turner Broadcasting," he said. "In the environment nowadays ... we really have to look at the motivation of the company here and why this happened." (Prank? Can really call it a prank if it is a marketing campaign? What about the "I Pooted" billboards? That's closer to a prank to me.)
  • Earlier, Boston police spokeswoman Elaine Driscoll called Wednesday's incidents "a colossal waste of money." (Pretty much. I can agree with the statement, if not the motivation for it.)
OK, I have to stop. It's just too stupid; I'm going to start bleeding out my eye sockets. Even better, these people want to have Turner (the company) prosecuted and to bring civil suit.

If you want to see another side of things (i.e., if you are not content with CNN's sucking the collective teat of the
dimmer bulbs of Boston,) you can find one here.

Thanks to Cat for destroying my faith in humanity again. For that, you get a Hand Banana. I know that it's just what you wanted.

Monday, January 29, 2007

What My Exams Have Looked Like up to This Point: Be Warned of the Potential Honor Code Implications

If you click on it, you'll be able to read it. Much less fuzzy that way.

Oh, Fiance

You know, I would probably let him do this if I didn't have to be part of it.

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Cat Thwarting

When I flunk out of law school, I will become a professional cat thwarter. I've been practicing all day.

Last night, the cat made absolutely certain that even though I had not had more than five hours of sleep the night before I would stay awake and listen to cat doin's. Her newest favorite nocturnal activity is attempting to sharpen her claws on the walls.

Today, I have returned the favor.

I have studied only in my room and poked her every time she has drifted off. Sometimes, I've even picked her up and bounced her as I chanted elements of causes of action. I even took her to go see the mice in the other room, and the best she could manage was to gaze at them earnestly with drooping eyelids.

Since cats need 16 hours of sleep a day, I've pretty much guaranteed silence tonight.

UPDATE: I was wrong. So wrong. I didn't even get 2 consecutive hours between the sharpening of the claws on the wall and the pouncing at my feet.

Am I Losing It or Is It Just Finals?

Dude. I think I just heard the cat burp.

More Finals Lessons: Man + Shower = WooWoo

I got this e-mail earlier today. Be warned, prolonged mention of bodily functions and use of the word "wiener."

Man vs. Woman: The shower


Take off clothing and place it in sectioned
laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way,
Cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror
* make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts,

Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg
long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage
shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub
for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut
and jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown
and towel on head. If you see husband along the way,

cover up any exposed areas.


Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of
the bed And leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along
the way,
Shake wiener at her while making the woo-woo sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.

Get in the shower.

Wash your face.

Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and
let the water rinse the snot off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and
surrounding area.

Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs
stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a shampoo Mohawk.


Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on floor because
Curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

Admire wiener size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat
on floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener
at her And make the woo-woo sound again.

Throw wet towel on her pillow.

If there is anyone among you who did not
laugh at the truth behind this, There is something
SO very wrong with you. Have a great day!
Oh, and.... woo woo!!!

YouTube + Finals = WooWoo

Swanburg posted a rather awesome video today, but I got this one from Nora, in the usual way.

Friday, January 26, 2007

More Haiku

Thaddeus Boatner,
I found your female version:
Call her Nadia.

Haiku Friday

Finals really blow.
Why am I still awake now?
The cat judges me.

A Modest Proposal

Okay, let's just agree that I not take any finals. You, the professors, will in turn agree to just give me something slightly below average on the curve--slightly, mind you.

There are many advantages to this arrangement.

For me: I don't have to suffer through taking the test, and my grade will be higher than usual.

For you: You don't have to suffer through reading my test, yet you won't feel just terribly guilty just giving me, well, a gimme.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

There Are Lots of Reasons to Be Glad You're Going to Law School

Seriously, it is really special to see how cool our faculty is for serving breakfast to us personally at ten o'clock at night--with pancake flips!

Purls Are So Classic!

Over the Christmas break, I managed to figure out how to purl. I can now make things that are slightly cooler than my plain ol', plain ol' fuzzy scarves that look like they are made out of muppet skin (to hide my plain garter stitches). This is my current project. I'm going to make it bigger though, so that I can keep it instead of just waiting for another baby to be born to give it to. I'm also going to do it in hot purple, hot pink, hot orange, and maroon.

In other words, it's going to look like a pair of nineties bicycle shorts.

So hot right now.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Monday, January 22, 2007

Everything Should Sparkle so Brightly

This is where the new babies live. What the picture isn't showing well enough is that there are flecks of glitter in the plastic. Dude, they couldn't stop me from buying this thing, with or without the mice. My mantra in life is What Would Liza Minelli Do? The answer in PetCo was a resounding "BUY IT NOW."

It's called Dazzle. Just say it to yourself. Do jazz hands as you do so.


Sunday, January 21, 2007


"And as he drove on, the rainclouds dragged down the sky after him, for, though he did not know it, Rob McKenna was a Rain God. All he knew was that his working days were miserable and he had a succession of lousy holidays. All the clouds knew was that they loved him and wanted to be near him, to cherish him, and to water him."
-Douglas Adams

Saturday, January 20, 2007

My Coping Skills Need Help

I didn't not buy pet mice...

The Coming of the Chimip Messiah

"Chimp in pregnancy mystery

Staff at a rest home for retired chimpanzees are perplexed by the surprise pregnancy of one of their female chimps – because all the male chimps at the home have had vasectomies.

The pregnancy was first discovered when the chimpess in question, Teresa, was reported missing during the morning check on the chimps at Caddo Parish's Chimp Haven. Teresa turned up a while later – cradling a newborn baby chimp.

While there are seven male chimpanzees at Chimp Haven, they have all had surgery to render them incapable of baby-making.

Chimp Haven's Linda Brent admitted: 'Well, we were all just a little bit surprised when we heard the news.'

The culprit remains unknown, but Brent added: ''We're going to be doing a paternity test, just like you would do on people.'

To that end, hair samples are being collected from all the male chimps, to find out who done it. And once the perpetrator is identified, they'll get the bonus prize of another trip to the surgeon, to makes absolutely sure that Chimp Haven doesn't see any more mysterious births in future.

Of course, if the DNA tests produce no result, then Metro's own favoured theories – chimp virgin birth, outlaw chimp of love breaking in at night, or a keeper with a dark secret – will be back in play."

Friday, January 19, 2007

Haiku Friday

Uncle Bob Thursday #1

Below is another missive from Uncle Bob. The funnier bits are highlighted for you.

Above is a visual pun.


> RWC to Genell,Alma,Julia,EtAl:
> 1.Never mind about extremism, at least not for now.
> Library-help & one neighbor promised that if I > kicked > the bucket or went to hospital, they would free the > dog. The dog is gentle & timid, but just slow to
> venture trust & full friendship.
> 2.I'm OK now. I did almost all my dumb-bell
> exercises
> this a.m.; I like to think the reason for slight
> slow-down about dumb-bell exercises, is the extra
> layers of clothes that I wear in this cold weather.
> No dizziness. I feel OK.
> Whenever I do die, I do NOT want to be cremated > (sp?), although I do not want funeral home t o gyp > or > to stel my gold teeth; OK for my sisters or Genell > to > get my gold teeth then. OK also if bury without > embalming, -- which can be done if done within 24 > hours of death; or OK if just wire me down with an > engine-head or other heavy iron, & dump into ocean, > like Carribean Islanders do; or OK if just a cheap > $50-box for casket (non-sense to outlandish > casket-prices that funeral homes charge.
> Best if can get me to ANY VA.Hospital, -- & thence
> from there. They see patients more quickly than
> other
> emergency-room-hospitals do. But Alexandria VAMC
> emergency room is closed on week-ends & I think also
> at nights.
> 3.My electric bill almost $51. I thought about
> cutting the electricity off, but I do like to be
> able
> to cook on the electric stove, & to get water from
> the
> hot water tank. But what will I do if the electric
> bill goes above $60/monthly.
> 4.All is OK, but I think I need "one less dog",
> because he makes a mess. I do NOT want the dog
> pound
> to get him though.
> 5.I think he was a failure at a dog party. Why do I > say that? Because on his most sensitive part, was a > small dog-bite. I guess that cured him from that > particular party. > That reminds me of when I was doing Psychiatry, & > a > black man patient got sent in by the police after an > 11-yr. old girl had bit him on that same place. How > mean can children get!!!
> 6.I have appointment at Alexandria VAMC Friday 16
> Feb.2007. They also now take peace-time veterans,
> --
> of which I am one; I was in Missouri Army National
> Guard (there with an ARMY 06-Lieutenant-Colonel
> rank;
> & was also in US.Army Reserves in Missouri; ARNG
> was
> at 135th Field Hospital; USAR was at 325th Station
> Hospital; -- both at Kansas City, Missouri, where I
> went to monthly meetings, travelling from
> Springfield,
> Mo. I also went to several (annual) 2-week "Summer
> Training Camps.
> -- R.

I Think I Get It Now

I think it is simply impossible to get anything accomplished with high seriousness when every time you look up your cat is giving you this view.

Incidentally, according to all the cat books, the tail-in-the air-kitty-butthole display is apparently one of greeting. Lucky me; I've been saluted.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Pocket Memories

I live in a part of the country where I have exactly one heavy winter coat and I wear it about three times a year at the most, which is about as often as it is below freezing here.

As I slipped my hand inside my pocket this morning, I felt something oddly shaped and plastic. Wondering what it could be, I pulled it out and discovered it was a small bottle of celebration bubbles with a tiny pink flower on the top.

I instantly knew where I had worn this coat last. It wasn't to a wedding or a graduation but to a celebration of life. Fiance's grandfather died last year. I didn't know him very well, but he was a very neat fellow who lived about one of the most interesting stories of a life I've ever heard. There had been a more traditional celebration of life about a month prior to the one I wore the coat to, and at this one we would be scattering his ashes in a small stream that ran by where he had lived.

That was my first trip to the commune where he and his wife and friends lived, even though I'd heard a lot about it. Right after the gate we passed a large field after which we started to see the mounds. Everyone there lived in a mound that sat below the ground and was covered inside by plaster, and each one had its own unique touches like highly artistic hobbit holes. Dogs ran free, and everyone was truly, genuinely, effervescently friendly.

We joined the community in walking down to the stream which rested at the bottom of a steep hill. At the top of the hill was a small table on which sat the tiny bottles of bubbles, dried leaves, and Sharpie markers. Each person took some bubbles to blow into the air and wrote something on a leaf to place in the stream with him once his ashes were sent to float downstream and out into the world. As the leaves, the bubbles, and the ashes were all set free, I think most everyone truly felt that they were free to cherish the memories of him with as little pain as possible.

I had never been to any service like this nor have I since, but as I pocketed my pink bubbles I couldn't help but think that this was the way to go.

What This Bear Is Thinking

1. I broke one of my four dinner plates (the big ones). Now I have an odd number. I'm not comfortable with an odd number. Even worse, I'm not comfortable with dishes in numbers not divisible by four. Need...even...numbers....
2. My cat doesn't know her name. She might think it's "No." "Hey," is a close second.
3. I feel like the coil-shaped $8 energy efficient lightbulbs are a luxury until I realize that my ancient apartment is burning the normal ones out quickly enough to where it's just cheaper for me, even disregarding the electric bill.
4. Hey, I can drive in this! This ice stuff isn't so bad. Ha! Swagger!
5. Oh, hey, no one else can drive in it. And my upstairs neighbor thinks that the best way to get rid of the icicles hanging from underneath his stairs is by whacking them towards my front door with a baseball bat.
6. I'm going to fail everything.
7. I think I thought the gift bags at award shows were already taxable. That seems a long time coming.
8. Sometimes the man in your life gets a little busy studying for the bar, getting ready for finals, and messing around with that crazy mistress known as PC. Then he calls you to talk shop, and you interrupt him and remind him of everything you're doing this week, including saving his bacon. Then he agrees to just e-mail you the changes. You tell each other that you love each other and hang up. And it's all okay.
9. The school paper got worse over Christmas. Everyone should take a red pen to their copy and mail it back to the chief editor or whoever is supposed to read that stuff.

What Sad Law Students Do with Insomnia

I'd rather be asleep than on LexisNexis. Same goes for you, Westlaw.

If I were actually good at law school, I'd be using this time to work.

Loathe, Abhor, Detest, Hate

I really hate making mistakes. I tend to think that I hate it even more than most people do, but maybe that's not true. I know that the most healthy thing to do with mistakes that I've made is to learn from them and to value their experience, and I try to do that, but every once and a while I falter. Just every so often, my memory prods me of its own accord and reminds me of something foolish that I've done or said, be it a huge catastrophe or a minor foible. Whenever that happens, I can't help but mutter, "I hate you," to myself before I can even catch myself or move on--sometimes out loud. Every time this happens I can't help but be shocked at myself--especially when it is over something small that no one remembers anymore but me or something that went wrong but I played off well.

Why such an aversion to my less-than-shining moments? Why such disdain at myself for the moments that have taught me and to whatever extent made me?

But worse is that I never seem to learn from this particular mistake as I keep making it. The best I can manage is to try to smooth it over again after it happens placing a soft hand on the cheek of my inner self and the assurance that it is, in fact, love that I feel for the one to whom I express it the least.

Monday, January 15, 2007

Just Because I'm Stll Procrastinating

This Is Where I'm at Right Now

Fear and tremble before my advanced state of disorganization.

Although, actively procrastinating can't be helping my thought processes any. Especially in the forms I choose.

Yes, I am in fact watching SpongeBob Squarepants and Curse of the Were Rabbit while I write a memo. I'm also eating a tasty Swiss Milka bar. Dont' judge me.

Sunday, January 14, 2007


Can You Tell That I'm Procrastinating?

Because I totally am.

I Feel I Need This Book

Law Prom Is Totally Hot

I've gotta say this was the best look of the night. However, he forgot the most important accessory: Chocolate.

As far as I know, no one hooked up in the men's room this year, and I feel safe saying that as the date of one of the people that did so last year. [FN1] [FN2] [FN3] Unfortunately for poor Swanburg, however, not everyone managed to remember that just because it happened at Law Prom doesn't mean it stayed at Law Prom.

Heaven help us if there's ever a Law Grotto.

[FN1] Sometimes it is okay to be abandoned by your date.
[FN2] It wasn't sex. I promise.
[FN3] If it's not clear, then let me state it explicitly: I wasn't in there. Just my date.

Saturday, January 13, 2007

So Nerdy

But so funny.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007


The television just called Tom Cruise a "serial monogamist."

Dude, what does that even mean? I mean, I know what it is supposed to mean, but, dude, it just doesn't make sense to me. Not really.

Monday, January 08, 2007

In Pursuit of..Aaaawwwwwwwwww, That's a Cute Kid!

It was a truly amazing story. It is hard to comprehend what this guy went through and the fact that no one that worked with him at the time knew. That being said, it's very stressful to watch, and it would not have been my first choice for Christmas Day house-escape movie (as it was Fiance's). If you get easily stressed out by movies and just want to feel good, skip it. However if you want a moving experience and can handle the honest treatment of his experience, then go for it, you'll probably love it.

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Having Sinuses Kinda Sucks

My stepmother always says that one must have depth in one's wardrobe and depth in one's medicine closet. [FN1] Don't ask her to rank which one is more important though.

Before college, I was hardly ever ill, but since moving to this part of the country and aging a few years, disease, allergies, and I seem to have become bosom buddies.

Two years ago, I had an upper respiratory infection and mono at the same time. The mono led to a mono-specific kind of hepatitis, and the upper respiratory infection led to a month-and-a-half long cough that eventually broke one of my ribs. [FN2]

Three weeks ago, I was diagnosed with sinusitis and sent home with some antibiotics and a prescription-strength Sudafed/Mucinex combo.

Within the last week, the sinusitis has fully flared up again. Due to all the junk that has been making its way from my head into my lungs, I spent the better part of yesterday impersonating a consumptive. At about one o'clock this morning I went rummaging through my old medicines to see if maybe I had any cough syrup since I couldn't sleep and I could swear my ribs were getting sore.

I found cough syrup, alright. In fact, I found about half a bottle of codeine cough syrup leftover from 2005. I looked for an expiration date, and, finding none, did myself a favor and got an extremely satisfying night's sleep and a much needed respite for ol' Ribby.

Bottoms up, and to all a good night.

[FN1] To that I might add that depth in one's toilet paper supply, liquor cabinet, and spice drawer are equally important.

[FN2] So, no, it is NOT a myth. You can really do that. Scares the hell out of you too. Stopped the coughing though.

Friday, January 05, 2007

Book Week at the Study Hall

Ursa and I have worked up at the university's student-athlete services study hall for several years now--she more recently as a graduate assistant and I as a tutor. Before the beginning of each semester, the graduate assistants are supposed to put together the bags of books for the student-athletes. Lately, however, Ursa is the only graduate assistant showing up at all, so today I went in and helped her.

I die a little bit when I think of all the time I would save if someone would go to the bookstore for me, find my books, pay for them, and have them ready in a nice little baggie with my name on it that I could just go pick up, sign for, and walk out with.

On the other hand, I want to kill someone when I've saved them all this trouble and they come up and are bitchy to me about what edition of the book they got for free.

For the record, there are no book elves. We're it.

Equestrians, I'm looking at you.

Friday Haiku

Went to work today
Student athletes don't do jack.
We do it for them.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

I'll Be Back When...

I'm done watching my Christmas present from Fiance...