Tuesday, July 10, 2007

I May Stop Celebrating Holidays Altogether

This is going to be just as bad as the picture indicates.

I spent the Fourth of July studying like a good law student. I even got up early (8:30 AM!) At probably 1 PM, I wind my way back to my room for some reason or another, and there I see it.

There is a snake in the middle of my floor. The lights are dimmed, so it actually takes me a couple of looks to see that is, in fact, what it is. Even worse, I can't figure out if it is alive or not.

Suddenly, I feel the need to call everyone I have ever known. Fortunately, Ursa picked up.

The cat, in all of her glory, has plopped down next to my little guest and is rolling around on top of it. The snake doesn't move, so I figure she must have killed it already. I lure Fatty McSwattinpaws back to the bathroom with false promises of food and begin to try to figure out what in the hell I'm going to do with a snake corpse.

An hour and a half later, this is no longer a relevant inquiry because it's freakin' gone.

This is the point at which I really lose it: There is a live snake in my apartment. In my bedroom, of all places. I let the cat out, shut her in with the snake, throw on some clothes, and evacuate to Ann's, stopping only to pick up a cake as a token of my appreciation.

Several hours later, I came home to find a very proud cat purring and rolling around to make sure that I see what she has done to her new and former friend. A married friend of mine who lives in my complex came over with her husband, and they picked it up and took it outside for me.

At least I got free hamburgers and homemade ice cream (compliments of Ann), and the cat has acquired some sense of accomplishment. Likely she won't be useful again for another two years.


So, I looked up ol' Snakey, and I found out that he was a rough earth snake. This information turned out to be interesting in two ways:

1) They are rarely seen above ground. This was a great comfort to me because clearly my first priority was to make sure that nothing like this ever, ever happened again. It is likely that he was driven up by all of the rain.

2) "Rough snakes are completely harmless if encountered, but will readily defecate (poop) on you to defend themselves. This is just a way to get larger animals to leave them alone, however, and it is hoped that you will learn to leave them alone when they do this! Although they do not strike, they do have teeth, but their mouths aren't large enough to grab human skin even if they tried!"

Of course. Of course I got the pooping snake. I've already got the pooping cat (she's a little...Golemy...about her litter box. I actually have to put her in a separate room to clean it because she gets mad that I'm taking her little treasures away). I'm really glad I didn't watch this whole thing, because I know, just as I know that the sky is blue, that the minute my cat's swats resulted in a pooping snake, she thought, "COOL! DO IT AGAIN!" (Only not in so many words. Even for a cat, she's rather dim).

I need a carpet shampooer. Now.


RG said...

I forgot to tellyou this the other day, but this is one of the situations where you should have called me. Bugs, I can't handle, reptiles, no big deal. I would have just picked it up and walked it outside.

(As long as I didn't know about the pooping. That might have changed my mind.)

Cherie said...

Shudder...........you are brave.

OsoDelSol said...

Oh it was so terribly terrible. There was no part of me that was brave. I couldn't even stay in the house while my cat was doing it for me!

Ann said...

Well. I know it was traumatic for YOU, but the rest of us enjoyed having you for the evening--- especially the chocolate-colored, fuzzy-faced one.