Saturday, January 20, 2007

The Coming of the Chimip Messiah

"Chimp in pregnancy mystery

Staff at a rest home for retired chimpanzees are perplexed by the surprise pregnancy of one of their female chimps – because all the male chimps at the home have had vasectomies.

The pregnancy was first discovered when the chimpess in question, Teresa, was reported missing during the morning check on the chimps at Caddo Parish's Chimp Haven. Teresa turned up a while later – cradling a newborn baby chimp.

While there are seven male chimpanzees at Chimp Haven, they have all had surgery to render them incapable of baby-making.

Chimp Haven's Linda Brent admitted: 'Well, we were all just a little bit surprised when we heard the news.'

The culprit remains unknown, but Brent added: ''We're going to be doing a paternity test, just like you would do on people.'

To that end, hair samples are being collected from all the male chimps, to find out who done it. And once the perpetrator is identified, they'll get the bonus prize of another trip to the surgeon, to makes absolutely sure that Chimp Haven doesn't see any more mysterious births in future.

Of course, if the DNA tests produce no result, then Metro's own favoured theories – chimp virgin birth, outlaw chimp of love breaking in at night, or a keeper with a dark secret – will be back in play."


Ann said...

I love it! Go, chimps! Don't let those arrogant humans determine your reproductive futures!

OsoDelSol said...

I like the "keeper with a dark secret theory." Wasn't AIDS patient zero a monkey or chimp of some kind?