Sunday, October 22, 2006

Immaculate Debacle

In the words of Charlie Brown: Good grief.

I have been trying desperately not to comment on this woman's adoption, but I just can't handle it any more; it has become way too much of a circus. It's almost like verbal tennis at this point. In case you have missed any of it, I have graciously provided my own personal synopsis below.

Media: Madonna is adopting.
Madonna: I'm not adopting.
Media: You're adopting.
Madonna: Okay, okay, I'm adopting, but it's none of your business. Filthy American press...
Media: What was that?
Madonna: Oh, nothing, nothing. Pip. Pip. I'm just glad I'm British now.
Media: Madonna adopted.
Madonna (silence)
Media: The father is happy.
Father: I'm happy!
Media: Madonna got a buy.
Madonna: I did not! Everything was completely legal. And normal. More importantly, legal.
Father: So happy.
Media: It's not normal. International parents adopting infants from Malawi are required by law to live in the country for like two years to make sure they are fit to parent.
Madonna: Well, I...really?
Malawi: Everything is normal here. Pay no attention to the cones behind the curtain. People do this all the time.
Media: Who?
Madonna: I did!
Malawi: She did.
Media: The child will grow up with every comfort and lead a bright future in Britain as Madonna's newest child.
Father: Wait.
Media: What?
Father: I've been talking to Human Rights...
Human Rights: Hey y'all!
All: Hey.
Father: don't get my kid back?
Media: Father duped. Did not understand what adoption meant.
Madonna: Even I know what adoption means.
Father: I thought he was going to come back when the good lady was done with him.
Madonna: Don't you listen to stand-up? I'm never done. It's, like, my thing. Besides, I am very committed to...OH A BUTTERFLY!
Child: Oh god.


Ann said...

I love it! Absolutely a perfect description of whole mess. I'm like you, I've been holding off from commenting-- but I'm glad YOU finally did.

I only wish I had a soundtrack, because I just LOVE Madonna's pseudo-Brit accent!

OsoDelSol said...

Don't cry for me A-mer-iiiiii-caaaaa! The truth is that I neeeeeever leeeeeeft youuuuuuu!

We can only hope that the Brits keep her.