Friday, September 15, 2006

Three Easy Payments

I love infomercials. I know it's strange, and I'm really not sure how this particular interest developed, as I tend to be a plot-oriented person and infomercials aren't heavy on the plot. Or anything else that makes television good. They repeat the same phrases and demonstrations over and over, and yet somehow I am captivated. I have to keep watching to see how much more dog hair, Fruit Loops, coffee grounds and orange juice The-Last-Mop-You'll-Ever-Need will pick up. I get such a since of satisfaction every time the mop cuts through all of that dirt.

I like infomericals as a whole, but there is one infomercial that I am particularly intrigued by: the Magic Bullet infomercial. Even though I've already seen it dozens of times, I will watch the Magic Bullet infomercial, sometimes to the exclusion of other, more entertaining television programming. You have to admit that the Magic Bullet seems like an incredible piece of gadgetry. By just pressing on the top of the Magic Bullet, you can chop, dice, grate, blend, whip, crush and puree. And it takes up so little counterspace!

My favorite part of the Magic Bullet infomercial is when our cheerful hosts turn the Magic Bullet into the ultimate party machine. In under two minutes, they make salsa, nachos, quesadillas, and a different mixed drink for each of the "real people" on their kitchen set. It seems so easy. It seems like something I can do. It convinces me that if I buy the Magic Bullet, I will have an endless supply of salsa and mixed drinks and fun. My most pressing problem will be making drinks in the Magic Bullet personalized party mugs fast enough for my many guests.

I guess what it comes down to is that there are problems in my life that I can't fix, but as I watch the Magic Bullet infomercial I see problems identified in a matter of seconds and quickly solved with a zzzt-zzzt-zzzt of the patented Magic Bullet cross-blade. The Magic Bullet infomercial tells me that there ARE problems that can be solved quickly and easily. It makes me believe that some things in life really are a breeze.

As of today, I am the proud owner of a Magic Bullet blender. I haven't used it yet, but I plan on grating some cheese tomorrow, thus finding a quick and easy solution to my crippling lack of grated cheese. And later I will make a healthy, nutritious smoothie using one of the recipes in the complimentary Magic Bullet recipe guide, addressing the problem I have getting five servings of fruits and vegetables a day. And if I can manage the fast and simple chicken salad, I'll have solved my what-to-eat-for-dinner problem, making me three for three!

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